Allow me to tell you a thing about Fendi

First of all, it's the "pre-fall" 2014 collection. What? Pre-fall, you people? It's not even spring yet. Geez, relax.

It's by Karl Lagerfeld, who is amazing, and is kind of a bunch of spin-offs of tropes like wrap coats, blazers, pantsuits, etc., tweaked in a more graphic way, plus some dee-light-ful furry accessories that look like Muppets died happy.

The fur is my main problem with it, actually. How would you like it if someone decided to scalp you so that they could put your hair on a jacket?

 

Off to a good start, yes indeed. Nothing terribly outstanding, although I appreciate the patchwork-y leggings.

 The color blocking on the dress is reminding me of something but I have absolutely no clue what. The socks are stripy and fluffy and pompom-fied and wonderful and I adore them.

hang on do those have black heels did he do the black background on purpose itlookssocoolwow

 

This feels very sixties-inspired with the op art patterns, as if Bridget Riley had a mid-life crisis resulting in a sudden epiphany where angels skipped through her brain telling her to go and work for Fendi.

Also, those are some of the best-fitting pants I have ever seen.

  SUFFRAGETTE TIMES. I feel like I should be Photoshopping "Votes for Women!" across the sash. The yellow heels are kyoot.

 

 At this point it's starting to get a bit too cohesive, although I would love to steal that big white leather belt.
I can't tell what she's trying to do with that cape. Or is it a coat? "Look, I'm only wearing one sleeve of my coat! Ain't that cool? Creativity! Ambiguity! Mystery! What do you mean, how did I get this job?"

THE JACKET. THE JACKET. THE JACKET.

Leather...shiny.. blue... red... stripes... beautiful... *crawls away to weep in a corner because she is on the budget of a thirteen-year-old*

If a varsity jacket had been shoved through the bubblegum-stretching machine from Willy Wonka and then repeatedly attacked by furious ermine, it might not be totally unlike this.
The boots look like a failed DIY project.

The Christmas sweater. BUT NOT. 

Is it just me or do her arms and fingers look Photoshopped in a really creepy way? Or am I just not used to the fashion world of knitwear and blonde hoodlums?

 

 "My bag looks like I cut a piece of my coat off! THIS IS HIGH FASHION!"

Once upon a time a rabbit fell in a blue paint can. Panicked, the rabbit hopped away frantically, right over Karl Lagerfeld's herringbone coat for his pre-fall Fendi collection. Karl Lagerfeld loomed out of the darkness. Nobody ever saw the rabbit again.

(Can you imagine this face looming out of the darkness at you? *shiver*)

Okay. Nothing special, but... okay, I guess. The pattern reminds me of chess pieces.

The bag looks like a sick hedgehog, causing me to have trouble focusing on any other aspect of the outfit. My brain keeps going, "What are you doing? Why are you trying to look at the vest when a hedgehog is dying in front of your eyes? Save the hedgehog, I tell you!"

Big belt, exaggerated yellow stitches, grey herringbone, slouchy velvet leggings... I think I'm in love.

 

I just jumped out of my chair. 

WTH, Karl...WTH.

Somebody's channeling Jim Henson.

 

Verrrrrry graphic. I'm a fan of all these leather belts, and the red complements the gray quite nicely.

Great two-tone schizophrenic collar, too. Feels like Frank Lloyd Wright, although that could just be my strange brain mixing stuff up again. Is he the one with all the glass? Yes? No? Am I too lazy to look it up?

 

Does the world really need more black leather? NOPE. Not even if it's ribbed in a cool way.

 

More colorblocking! I like the way he's using outfits mainly made up of neutrals like black and gray to translate between those featuring brighter colours (look how BRITISH I am and now you can tell I'm American because I said that)

*stares*

GIVE IT. 

I am physically incapable of making any kind of coherent comment on this dress because I WANT.

Make a little girl cry with the giant fur wrap coat that's made of the skins of poor innocent helpless animals that died crying out for vengeance. That's kind.

 The gradient plus the white trim is nice though, as is the layering with the blue skirt. 

In summary, this collection is stylish but not phenomenal. The shapes are very chic, particularly the coats, and the colors transition into one another nicely. However, aside from my personal dislike of fur, I feel like the way that the pieces are mixed is unfortunately mainstream. Long coats with leggings and women's suits are both very common looks, so I think Karl may have been catering to the mass psyche a little too much here. 

There is no denying, however, that that jacket is worthy of serious applause.